


Identity

by 5_Minute_Fics



Series: The Becoming [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 05:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12450159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5_Minute_Fics/pseuds/5_Minute_Fics
Summary: Alex confronts Cat on her relationship with Kara.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So after almost a year, I have finished this story. I'm sorry about the delay, though in my defense I spent the year fostering 3 teens and being elected to public office. I was also trying to write the entire series before posting another part, so that I didn't have a delay again. I've been able to do this only because I cut out so many huge chunks of it! 
> 
> I haven't watched seasons 2 or 3 of supergirl, so this story is not influenced by any of the stories post season 1 finale. I hope that you enjoy the series, and feel free to give me any feedback you like not just on the content of the story but also on the quality of the writing and storytelling, character building, dialogue, etc. Finally, please be advised that we touch on things like anxiety and depression here. I don't think this is traumatic but some readers might want to stay away from that, for whatever reason. Thanks & I hope you like it.

Heads down. In the weeds. Up to her knees in alligators. Whatever the saying was, that was Cat Grant's current situation. She was swamped with work and laser-focused on the papers in front of her. 

"Miss Grant, I'm so sorry - "

She didn't bother to look up from her work. "What part of my day have you ruined now, William?"

"I tried to-"

"William, leave." This came from the woman standing in the middle of the office. Cat looked up from her desk and immediately recognized the intruder, who was glaring at her assistant. "Get out."

"It's … it's actually Walter," he said timidly, pointing to himself. "Shall I call security Miss Grant?" Cat dismissed him with a wave of her hand, instructing him to close the door as he left. Then she turned her attention to her unexpected guest. "Alexandra Danvers. This is incredibly bad timing."

"You're sleeping with my sister."

"But, we'll make it work." Cat stood and walked to the front of her desk.

Alex took a step forward. "You're taking advantage of Kara."

She was loathe to admit it, but there were things that made Cat Grant feel frightened and vulnerable. Some of these things were forgivable, like when Adam was on one of his adrenaline-fueled adventures or when Carter was unexpectedly late or out of touch. This was not one of those forgivable things. She knew something was wrong on the first night that Kara had come to her. But Kara was so bold and confident, and so beautiful in that light, she just allowed what happened next. And then she allowed the relationship to grow. Perhaps she had been wrong to allow it, but it felt so inevitable. It felt so right. 

But being forced to examine that decision in front of Kara's older sister … that did not feel good.

Come to think of it, it probably didn't feel good for Alexandra either.

"Would you like a drink?" 

"A big one." Alex answered quickly. 

A few minutes later, the two of them were sitting across from each other in Cat's office, with the crystal decanter and two glasses between them. 

"It's Kryponite," Alex said, and Cat nodded at this, confirming that she already knew. Cat had seen the colored bands around Kara's ankle, and later the green band on her wrist. What she didn't know was how, or why, Kara had taken the Kryptonite to begin with. 

Cat listened as Alex struggled with the details on how Kara's aunt had died and how their own relationship had been strained since then. Kara had thrown herself into her work as Supergirl, giving herself more challenges, taking unnecessary and extremely dangerous risks. Meanwhile, she had been very un-Kara like. She avoided her friends and rarely talked to anyone. When she did interact with others, she was usually rude and mean. Alex finally confronted Kara when she caught her training with a dangerously high level of Kryptonite.

_"You're my sister, if something is wrong let me help you!"_

_"If I ever need help being an alcoholic, I will come to you first!"_

Alex cringed at the memory. "The Kryptonite was to help with depression. Our medicine doesn't work for her. So I gave her a mix of red and purple."

Cat's eyes grew wide. "You drugged her."

"I treated her. And it seemed to be working."

"What changed?" Cat asked.

Alex shook her head. "She just stopped checking in with me, and then she stopped coming to work. Shortly after that, she said she had been spending her nights with you. I think, maybe it was you." 

Cat thought back to their first night together. Carter was with his father, and she had planned to spend the evening at her home office reviewing the data that had come in from her man inside Lord Tech. Hunter was a good man, a good scientist, and he had been a good partner in getting her information on Maxwell Lord's research on aliens. He had promised her a large chunk of data on Max's latest project … something called "Nosyd" … and she genuinely looked forward to digging into the details. But the disk he gave her included a file on Supergirl, and Cat couldn't stop herself from opening that first. 

"Kara Zor-El. So that's your birth name." Cat repeated the name aloud several times, focusing on how it felt to speak and hear it. She tried different ways of saying it, moving the emphasis to one syllable, then the next, changing the inflection in her voice, and even adding a hard stop between the Zor and the El. She wondered how it was pronounced on Krypton. Was it a common name, or a royal name? She couldn't imagine many names sounding more regal than Zor-El. 

Other than Kara's name, there wasn't anything new about her life on Krypton. Some guesswork on where she had lived and the names of her parents and extended family, but none of this could be confirmed except by Kara herself. And if Cat Grant didn't have this information, no one else had it either. 

And then Cat came to the meat of the Supergirl file. It was Kara's Earth family, including pictures of their home and copies of her legal documents that must have been forged when she was taken in by the Danvers. These details were followed by a full section of theories on how to kill Supergirl, and another section on how to leverage the Danvers family against her. 

Cat felt sick. This was a total violation of Kara's privacy and of her personhood. She closed her laptop and headed to her room for a hot bath.

"And when I finished my bath, there she was." Cat sat quietly as Alex thought about what she had just learned.

"Max Lord is a pain in the ass," Alex finally said before gulping down the last of her drink. "What's Project Nosyd?"

"I'll get you a copy of the disk." Cat sat back on the couch and sipped from her glass. "So. What are we going to do about Kara?"

Alex reached for the decanter and poured another drink. "I have a plan. "


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat and Alex work together to help Kara.

Cat slipped out of bed and into a robe, careful not to disturb a soundly sleeping Kara. She walked quietly to the foot of the bed and gently moved the sheet covering Kara's feet and lower legs. The moonlight through the patio door gave Cat everything she needed to make quick work of the clasp that held the Kryptonite anklet in place. 

This should have been easier. Cat had wanted to limit this to a physical connection, but it was so much more than that. She had to make her choice tonight; either end the relationship or take a chance on her feelings. And she didn't even know if Kara would want that because Kara had been drugged with this damn red and blue - 

Cat looked closer at the Kryptonite that was now in the palm of her hand. _It's periwinkle. I'll be damned._ It wasn't like Cat to get her colors wrong. 

Cat shook her head at the mistake and moved out to the balcony. As promised, a small black drone was hovering just over the side. It moved in closer and Cat reached out and pulled a magnetic box from the smooth center of the device. It wasn't much bigger than one of Carter's little cereal boxes, and it was smooth on all sides. Cat couldn't figure out how to open it. "You do not have the proper clearance to open this fancy military box" Cat whispered to herself, as she pulled and pushed from different directions. 

"Just twist it." Alex's hushed voice came through the drone speaker.

She glared at the drone. "Why didn't you say something sooner?" 

"It was funny," Alex said. 

Cat opened the box and pulled out a smaller box. 

"That's for the green."

"Here's the red and periwinkle." Cat dropped the Kryptonite into the box.

"Purple."

"Periwinkle. And here's the disk." She added a small memory card that she pulled from her pocket. "Please be careful of my man at Lord Tech." She closed the box and held it up close to the underbelly of the drone. It snapped into place with a loud _THUNK_.

"I promise. Get the green off Kara as soon as it's safe for you. She's had too much exposure already." The drone started to back off. "I'm just a block over if you need me. And it's purple." The drone pulled away fast, and Cat watched until it was out of sight.

"Purple. No wonder they all dress in black." 

Cat stayed on the patio, sitting in her favorite chair which she had turned so that she had the perfect view of Kara. Cat wanted to hold on to this moment forever. This could be their last night together. It was a perfect evening, the stars were beautiful, and she had the most perfect star child sleeping in her bed. Cat wondered if Kara was dreaming of Krypton. Parents who would never be there to comfort her. Childhood friends who would never grow up. Brothers and sisters that could have been. Decades lost in space, with no one to wonder where she was. 

Or maybe she didn't dream at all. 

Cat lost track of time. She may have dozed off, she wasn't sure, but the sun had crept up over her shoulder, and it was time for Kara to go. She stood and straightened her robe, then went to the master bath to get ready. This morning was going to be excruciating, and she refused to look a mess. 

Cat splashed cold water on her face and looked in the mirror. It wasn't the polished professional Cat Grant looking back at her. It was the Cat Grant who gave birth to two sons, and nearly died on that second one, and had more than one failed marriage under her belt. She worked too much, worried too much, drank too much, and there was only so much "too much" that she could keep hidden under her aging skin. She would never be as beautiful for Kara as Kara was for her. 

Maybe it was best that this was coming to an end.

Cat pulled a towel from the shelf and patted her face dry, just then noticing the ceramic wash basin on the top shelf. She bought it for Carter's bedside when he was younger. The poor boy was plagued with nightmares, and a cool cloth always helped him settle down and fall back to sleep. He had grown out of the nightmares, and Cat had forgotten all about the nights that she rocked him back to sleep. 

Cat looked over at Kara. Is this what that was? Was Cat rocking Kara to sleep at night … metaphorically speaking … because she wanted to comfort the girl?

"Ew." Cat shuddered when she realized that she compared sex with an adult woman to the parenting of a small boy. "What the hell is wrong with me?" 

She pulled the wash basin from the shelf and washed it clean, then added some warm water. She took a clean face cloth and towel from the linen shelf and brought them along with the water over to her nightstand. Once she had everything arranged, she got back into bed and moved close to Kara. 

"Kara," Cat put her hand on her shoulder. "Kara, wake up."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara wakes up without the Kryptonite.

"Kara," Cat put her hand on her shoulder. "Kara, wake up." 

Kara stirred under the thin sheet, and her eyes fluttered open. Cat leaned over Kara and watched her face closely. She could see the realization creep across Kara's face as she processed the recent history. Kara slowly turned her head and looked at Cat. Her eyes grew wide before Kara squeezed them shut.

"Oh Miss Gra-"

She was sobbing before she finished Cat's name.

Cat pulled Kara into a hug, and Kara buried her head into Cat's shoulder. Cat wrapped both arms around her and let her cry.

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. Neither one cared. When Kara's crying subsided, she pulled away from Cat's soft robe so that she could speak. 

"Did I force you? Did I make you do this Miss Grant?"

Cat pulled Kara in tight against her. "No no no Kara -"

"Are you scared of me? Did I hurt you?" Kara's voice was haggard from crying, and sounded muffled against Cat's robe.

"Kara, you never forced anything, you never did anything wrong. I wanted to be with you."

_I want to be with you._

"You haven't done anything wrong." Cat continued to reassure Kara as Kara started to cry again, softly this time. Cat held Kara and rocked her gently until she stopped crying. When she felt comfortable letting go of Kara, she leaned over to her nightstand and pulled the washcloth from the basin. She wrung it tight and then washed Kara's face gently, then kissed Kara's forehead before putting the washcloth back. The two of them settled in next to each other, with their backs against the headboard.

"Kara, why did you come here? To me?"

_I'm here because I love you._

Kara looked down at her hands, which were folded in her lap. "It's going to sound stupid."

"It won't."

"I just … I'm being pulled in all directions …" 

Cat sat quietly.

"I can't be what everyone wants me to be."

Kara did her best to explain. Why wasn't Astra happy to see her? Because she saw her as Supergirl instead of Kara, her little one. Why did her sister lose her father? Because humans saw Kara as an alien instead of an orphaned little girl. Why did Supergirl have to work twice as hard as Superman? Because people thought of her as a girl and not a hero. 

Her parents died behind her. Her aunt died in front of her. Good men and women died beside her, and there she was still living and still flying, wearing a cape like it's some kind of flag. Wearing her family crest when she hadn't earned the honor. She was scared. Always scared. Scared of being exposed, scared of losing Alex and Eliza, scared of losing Cat, scared of the next time she loses control. 

And all of the feelings that brought her here ... the emptiness, the guilt, the churning rage and heavy despair … they were tainted with a sharp and stinging shame. Shame for her behavior with Cat. Shame for her nakedness. Shame for the kryptonite still on her wrist and the kryptonite she had worn on her ankle. Shame for her puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks and her scratchy throat made sore from desperately trying to suck in a breath between sobs. Shame for all the things the two of them had done together in the night. And oh my Rau, the two of them had done some things. 

But her true shame was her weakness. Her indecision. 

"I just don't know who I am supposed to be, Cat," Kara said between difficult breaths, "but I heard you saying my name, my real family name, and I knew that no matter what or who I am supposed to be, Danvers or Zor-El or Supergirl, I knew that -"

Kara stopped there. She wasn't sure she wanted to finish that sentence. Cat put her hand on top of Kara's. "What?"

"I knew that I was supposed to be with you. Whatever or whoever I am, I'm here for you."

_I survived for you._

"You are the one who can help me figure it out."

Cat reached for Kara and pulled her close. "Oh, Kara. You sweet girl, identity isn't a place that you were born or name that you're given or the clothes that you wear. It's just who you are. And for you Kara, it's a wonderful blend of your big beautiful heart and the two families who love you just as you are. It's your memories and your dreams and your future. You aren't Kara Zor-El or Kara Danvers or Supergirl. You're all of those people. Whoever you want to be." 

Cat shifted and straightened her back against the headboard. "When I was little, I was Kitty Grant. I belonged to my mommy and daddy. My mother was amazing, she was larger than life to me. When I was a teenager I didn't want to be 'Kitty" anymore, so I went by 'Catherine.' I felt more grown up. I think I even walked a little taller when I thought of myself as Catherine. Mother didn't like it, she still called me Kitty, but my father said that I was his princess, and Princess Catherine was much better than Princess Kitty." Cat chuckled and gave Kara a little squeeze. "Which reminds me of something you said that first night." 

"So embarrassing," Kara whispered to herself.

"Point is, identity isn't something that you're given, and it isn't something that stays the same. It changes throughout your whole life. It comes from within, not from without. You didn't fight your aunt because you were Supergirl or Kara Danvers. You fought because you love your human friends and family and your planet. You fought because you are noble and brave, even when you are scared. You fought because you believed it was right. No one gave that to you Kara. You chose that."

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess Cat. I don't know what to say."

"It's ok. You know, after a few years of being Catherine, I lost my father. He just died. He didn't say goodbye to us. He just died, in a car, in the night. I may as well have lost my mother, she just focused on her career and used her work as a crutch. It hurt. So much. So I decided that nothing had a right to hurt me that much, and I became Cat Grant. Cat is the one who knows loss. Cat is the one who is ruthless. And she's in love with you."

Kara looked up, making eye contact with Cat for the first time that morning. "What?"

"I love you, Kara. I tried not to, but I have loved you for a long time, before you ever came to me." Cat leaned closer and moved a stray hair away from Kara's face. "And I may be a human, but I'm a strong human, and I can love you as fiercely as any Kryptonian. I can be as strong as you need me to be."

Kara leaned in closer to Cat and they shared a gentle deep kiss, and then settled into a comfortable embrace.

"Hey, where is the Kryptonite?"

"I gave it to your sister. She sent a drone thing," Cat explained, pointing to the balcony. "What was it supposed to do for you anyway?"

"The red was to help with anxiety and the periwinkle was to help with depression. Alex thought it would help me while I worked through all this."

Periwinkle. Cat smiled and gave Kara a squeeze. 

"She thinks I have survivor's guilt."

"Hm. What do you think?"

"I don't know." Kara was getting anxious to change the subject. "How did you know my real name?" 

Cat sighed. "Let's talk about that over breakfast."

###  Meanwhile at the DEO 

Agent Danvers was staring wide-eyed at a laptop screen when Agent Susan Vasquez entered the lab. 

"Thanks for coming."

"What is it?"

Alex moved aside so that Susan could look at the screen. 

"Oh my God. Where did you get this?" 

Alex and Susan both leaned in to take a closer look at the data on the screen.

"This is not possible," Susan said. "Look at it. It's massive engineering. It's impossible."

"Not for Lord. All that wealth, all that research. He could pull it off."

The two huddled in front of the laptop, still taking in the details of the data on the screen.

"We have to kill him," she whispered.


End file.
